the dark of the new year

[elsane]

I am not in any way religious, but my childhood Christmas was full of rituals, and Handel's Messiah has remained one of my touchstone Christmas traditions. (I am a very great fan of Handel's vocal music, and I do not sing it myself, which is probably why I will not give up the Messiah for love or money but feel oddly squirmy singing Christmas carols when they're not in Latin.)

I am an atheist, and the libretto, written in English and set by a composer whose native language was German, has its quirks. Lots of them. ("Oh we like sheep!" the chorus declares several times, before finally going on to add "have gone astray". My mother and her sisters always sing along with the orchestra: "Do you like sheep?" -- I meant it about the family rituals -- and the chorus affirms, "Oh we like sheep!") But this is what always gets me: the bass sings, with joy and hope, of the great promise, the deliverance: that we shall be changed.

We shall be changed. I have lived with myself for decades now and know this to be the great miracle, act of grace beyond human hope. There are so many quirks of my personality I am most heartily sick of and would of all things change, but I am who I am, and all I can do is keep muddling on and try, day by day and step by step, to do better at understanding and dealing with them. And forgiving them. That too.

It's dark, I'm tired, I have too much to do. (I am always tired. I always have too much to do. I am never quite enough.) The night is bitter cold, but the moonlight is very bright and glitters on the snow. Happy new year, happy new year, let us gather together and sing.

Comments

[elsane]

oh no, of course you're right! I think I even knew that and deliberately forgot it. I learned it as "Oh we like sheep" and so by golly "oh we like sheep" it is!....(cough cough ahem) This must be such a glorious work to sing. Happy new year! It's a delight to see you around.